OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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