Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
