Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
