Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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