sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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