The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize