Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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