He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
