Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
