Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
