i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
