I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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