No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize