OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
