So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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