Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
