There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Randomize
