I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
