it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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