There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They took my balls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
