girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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