Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
