Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
