don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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