evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
