Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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