I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
