So drunk its hurt
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
