Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
