Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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