Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
