His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So apparently I’m into choking now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
