I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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