If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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