Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
