I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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