come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize