girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize