you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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