How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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