She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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