also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
