I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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