Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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