so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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