he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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