You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
