I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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