I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
