WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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