I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
