Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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