hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
