then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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