apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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