somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
