I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
