I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
