YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
