I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
