ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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