I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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