I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
