I want you more than these girls want KFC
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
