you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
