You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
